I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
