Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
