dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
