if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
