Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
