remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
