you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
