if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize