it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
