Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
