i just had sex bonerless
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
