Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
