dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
There's even glitter on my cock...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
