Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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