I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
