Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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