that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My cat gives me a boner
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize