dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
