May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
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Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
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10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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