So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
