Kiss
Puke
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You don't make any sense
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