Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
