1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
babies were throwing up all over the place
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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