I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Randomize
