mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
