She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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