His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
