She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
