so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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