I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
