do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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