she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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