He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
