bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
