she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
