nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Umm I'm too high to move.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
