so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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