Your mouth is God's brothel.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
