I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
