remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
