ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
