dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My cat gives me a boner
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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