So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
