my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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