I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
