apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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