I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
