When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
