Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
