I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's rum buckets o'clock
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
