yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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