so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
