Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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