..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
