Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
