I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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