Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
