Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
