wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
This beer is not sobering me up at all
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
