You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I AM VODKA MAN
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
