So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
