Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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