So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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