Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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