life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she peed on how many people?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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