I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize