first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
