Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
