My sheets look like a crime scene.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My pussy is not your playground.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
