I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
