Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
