i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
